Returning…

It has been a long time since I blogged. I thought I’d take the summer off, and then that dragged on through September and all of a sudden we are coming up on Thanksgiving (at least, in Canada, we are) and I haven’t blogged yet. It’s been on my mind. I’ve wanted to blog. I just haven’t found the right inspiration to get me there.

Or I hadn’t until a friend of mine posted this on Facebook:

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It kind of stopped me in my tracks. This friend has been going through a tough time, and another friend of hers created this card to encourage her.

In my own way, I have been going through a tough time, too. Nothing particularly bad has been happening…in fact, some very good things have been happening, but even good change is stressful. Even good change can leave you feeling unsettled and uncertain.

Now, if a friend of mine comes to me and says that they are feeling that way, I know just what to do: I pray, I listen, I point out a scripture passage or two, I encourage them to pray regularly and to trust God. But when it is me…well, I’m not so good at following my own advice.

Sometimes, instead of doing what I know I should, what I know will be healing and good for me, I withdraw. I hide. I internalize. And it all gets worse.

So today, because of the above encouragement, I am breaking that cycle. This blog has always been a spiritual discipline for me – a way of expressing my hopes and prayers, of processing what God is doing in me and around me, of living thankfully for the blessings that abound. Today I am returning to this practice.

I hope you will join me for the journey!

Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.
Deuteronomy 31:8 NLT

So many good things…

Yesterday was a great day. One of those days when your heart is so full and your spirit so uplifted that you wonder if you might just break apart at the seams. I fell into my bed exhausted last night without enough energy to eek out a blog post, so I am doing what I have rarely done, and blogging in the morning rather than the evening. I will try to round up all that happened yesterday (and I already know I will fail to convey it properly!).

This year General Assembly took time to highlight some “good news” stories within the Presbyterian Church in Canada. Here is what I heard:

-congregations CAN change and grow and experience new life…often (sadly) this happens once the stench of death is in the nostrils of the congregants, once they are staring at their tombstones. With so many of our congregations in dire straights…maybe (just maybe!) we are on the door of a true revival in the PCC

-Ministers need to be healthy – emotionally, spiritually and physically. I know this, but my friend and colleague the Rev. Matthew Ruttan spoke boldly and honestly about his own time of failing health, his struggle and the steps he took to regain his health. He spoke about getting a counselor and a mentor, he told us that the provisions made for clergy to get counseling in our benefits package is not enough. It made my heart sing to see a colleague willing to make himself vulnerable at the front of the court, for the sake of bringing an important message to those who needed to hear it. He reminded us that our congregations cannot be healthy if our clergy are not healthy.

-small churches can make a big difference through strategic partnerships with community organizations. Lynn Donovan’s story of St. Andrew’s Picton’s “circle of friends” – a term used to describe the church’s relationship with artists, musicians, and organizations within Prince Edward County, who help the church make a difference to the community around them – was nothing short of inspiring.

-Kennon Callaghan has important things to say. His name came up in many of the good news stories. I would encourage churches to check him out and see if they might learn from him.

-good news is life-giving. Again, this is obvious…but also vitally important to remember. We are good at beating ourselves up. As a denomination we suffer from low self-esteem. But low self-esteem is not healthy. It is not life-giving. Negative talk becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. We NEED to hear the good news. We NEED to share the ways that God is at work among us. We NEED it like we need water or air or the news of the Resurrection.

There is more that I could share, I’m sure. But in the interest of keeping this to a digestible length, I will share just one more thing. Our worship last night was beautiful. There was such diversity in that service – there was a rockin’ praise band, classical instruments, a mass Korean choir singing The Battle Hymn of the Republic in Korean, there was printed responsive liturgy, there were extemporaneous prayers. The word was passionately preached. There was silence. There were men’s voices and women’s voices.  There were lay leaders and ordained leaders. There were younger voices and older voices. And over all of it, was the unifying Spirit of the Almighty God. I wish I could have brought every Presbyterian into the room. It was easily one of the best services I have been at in my life.

I need to express my deep gratitude to God, who indeed made us one in worship last evening.

Longings…

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Currently I’m sitting in a gym in Scarborough at Seneca College. I am here for the 139th General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church in Canada. For the un-initiated, the General Assembly (I will refer to it as: GA, Assembly, #ga139) is the superior court of the Presbyterian Church in Canada. The Assembly meets once a year (near or at the beginning of June) and consists of 1/3 of the ordained ministers in our church and an equalizing number of elders (lay leaders within the church). We meet to discern God’s will for our church and to rule on points of church governance. The Assembly meets in a different location every year (the last time I was at Assembly, it was in Sydney, Nova Scotia!).

Assembly can be mind-numbing and frustrating at times, but it can also be a place of hope for the future of our church, a place where we remember that we are in this together, a place where we can encourage each other in being the hands and feet of Jesus reaching out to a world in need.

One of things I have heard more than once in conversation so far in this Assembly, is the longing for our church to be healthy and vital. This makes me smile. Because I have heard so often the concerns and problems that we face. I have heard so often the fear and the frustration with our church. I have heard so often the difficulties and the lack of solutions.

To hear, instead, a longing for health and vitality is a very good thing. Two years ago I longed to be healthier, to be slimmer, to be stronger. And then I made some decisions about how I eat and what I do with my time. Today I am healthier, slimmer and stronger. This trend in my personal life will only continue.

As a church, as we long for health and vitality, we also have the ability to make some good decisions about how we do things. And if we follow through on those decisions, we will find ourselves healthier and more vital. I believe this is what God longs for, for us. I believe there is hope for our future. I believe that the honest, heart-felt longings that I am hearing expressed may be the powerful catalyst that this church needs to embrace a better future.

Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself
and God our Father,
who loved us and by his grace
gave us eternal comfort and a wonderful hope,
comfort you and strengthen you
in every good thing you do and say.
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17 NLT

Small blessings..

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It’s interesting to me how certain topics seem to grasp the collective conscious…all of a sudden it seems everyone is talking about IT. Whatever it may be at any given moment. Today it seems there are three topics on the minds of just about everyone I have spoken to: the weather, Mother’s Day and the Leafs (hockey, not the ones on trees).

In my corner of Southern Ontario, the weather has been a little nuts today. There was snow and sleet on the wind. It is the middle of May, so we are all complaining bitterly about this sudden cold snap.

Mothers, especially, seem to be bummed that the day which celebrates all the hard work and endless love that goes into what they do each day, has turned out pretty rotten, weather-wise. It sucks wen bad weather ruins a good day.

But then – is it really possible for the weather to ruin a day? Probably not, if you asked just about any Leafs fan…given that today the Leafs won against Boston and have forced a 7th game in their first round of play off action for many a year.

Each of these topics is small in a way – but each of them points to blessing. Our Moms are a huge blessing to most of us (I have no problem declaring the fact that I would be lost with out my Mom, whose love and concern, cheering and problem solving, humor and faith continue to help make me into the person I am becoming). And even though some have difficult or even non-existent relationships with their Moms, they still have someone who mothered them without being biologically connected.

The weather doesn’t feel like much of a blessing today, but my goodness, a warm bed certainly does. And this weather makes me thankful for all the good weather we’ve had recently and the good weather that will be ours to enjoy by mid-week (PLEASE do not be wrong about that, weather man!!).

And the Leafs…they have broken the hearts of their fans so many times. But right now, whatever may happen tomorrow, they have brought joy and hope and excitement to this part of the world. And those are very good things.

I can’t help but remember one of my favorite Bible verses:

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
James 1:17 NIV

Be happy, my friends, whenever you recognize a blessing. It is a gift from God who loves you eternally. And His love is the biggest blessing of all.

Familiar…

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So today was another funeral at St. A’s. I’ve lost count of the number that we’ve had since this year began. But it has easily been too many. The gentleman whose life we celebrated today was not known to me, but he was an ordained elder in our congregation. He was remembered fondly by many who are elders today.

As the service rolled on, I found myself thinking about the scriptures that were read. I have heard them too many times recently. But because of that, they were strangely comforting to me. There was something in the rhythm of the words, the familiar cadence of these promises of God, that was deeper than the words themselves. Deeper than the things they were describing. It’s hard to explain what I felt as I listened to them yet again.

If there is a sound to the fabric of life, I think it is heard in powerful words of Scripture that are often repeated. The words of the 23rd Psalm – The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want – or the firm voice of Jesus saying “I am the way, and the truth, and the life” or the beautiful writing of Paul’s letter to the church in Rome, reminding them that he is convinced that neither depth nor height nor anything else in all creation can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus.

As I listened, what could have been a very exhausting and sad time (really, it has been too much lately, and I echo the sentiment of one friend who said “I just don’t want to sit in another funeral.”), was transformed and transcended. I found myself deeply moved by by the sense that these words and stories travel with us throughout our lives. They may be often read at a funeral, but they shape and form followers of Jesus in our good moments as well as the bad ones, in our happy moments as often as our sad moments, in our times of celebration and our times of grief.

I am so glad we do not go this road alone.

Spring!

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I have made it clear, I think, that I am not a big fan of the winter. If I had my way, it would last until about Jan. 7th and then we would head right into Spring.

Clearly that’s not what happens in the part of the world where I live. And since I am not all that interested in moving elsewhere, I will probably always find myself a little grumpy in February, March and April.

But right now I am so very pleased. The past two days have seemed to skip past Spring and head right on into summer. The skies have been blue, the birds have been singing, the breezes have been warm. And it does my heart so much good. My spirits lift and I am reminded that God is here. In every new flower, every bursting bud, every bright birdsong, I see the fingerprints of joy creator and I am thankful for new life.

I hope that you have been able to get outside in the last couple of day – to go for a walk or simply sit in the sunshine.

I hope, no matter what life is throwing at you, that your spirits are lifted by the natural beauty that surrounds us. I hope you are at to accept the gift God is giving us.

O Lord, what a variety of things you have made! In wisdom you have made them all. The earth is full of your creatures.
Psalms 104:24 NLT

Being Christ…

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I was at a meeting this evening where an issue was raised about how all of the people at the meeting (elders and ministers, for the most part) treated each other. We were reminded that we are not always very “Christian” to each other.

It was a good reminder. The reality is that those of us in full-time ministry and those of us who have served the church in a long-time capacity (like that of being an elder), sometimes forget that we are called to be Jesus to each other. That we are called to embody the very spirit and manner of the One who gave his life for our salvation. We are called to treat each other with love and and kindness and gentleness. Peace and hope and faithfulness are meant to be at the center of our comments and conversations. Joyfulness and patience and goodness and self-control are supposed to ooze out of us. (In case your keeping count, yes, those ARE all the fruits of the Spirit.)

And yet, all too often, I have been in church meetings where this was not the case. People spoke harshly, shaming and blaming others. Someone got their back up and someone else responded with sarcasm or derision. Hurts were dealt out in equal measure by people on both sides of the issue.

And I think I heard Jesus weeping.

The fact is it is not always easy to keep our tempers in check. When you gather together a group of ministers and elders, you have a bunch of people who care passionately about the church. And sometimes our passions get the better of us.

But we need to remember (and I say this for myself as much as anyone else) our calling. We are called to be Christ. We are called to embody the fruit of the Spirit. We are called to lead by example. We are called to act in ways that honor the teachings of Jesus and the sacrifice he made for us.

As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.
Ephesians 4:1-6 NIV

In this together…

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I have always believed that since God is an ever-present, ever-loving community (that’s what the Trinity is really all about), and since we are made in God’s image, we are made for community. We are not made to do this – any of this, life in general – alone. We are meant to be in this together.

Now, having said that I am a single girl and an introvert to boot. I spend a fair amount of time alone (or at least with just me and my animals). And the introvert in me craves that solitude. I not only like a day where it’s just me, Koski and Fatcat. I need it.

My vocation requires me to be in social situations. And don’t get me wrong – I love the times I spend with my congregation (whether as a whole or in specific groups). I need those times, too. It is good to be with people who believe in what I believe in, who share in prayer and song and relationship in general. But one of the ways I know that I am an introvert, is that when one of those social situations comes to an end, I am exhausted. And what I want most is to sit quietly in my house.

Despite this, one of the biggest gifts God has given me in Ministry, is the opportunity to minister as part of a team. It may seem a contradiction, but I work better in a team. I think better. There is someone I can turn to when I am second-guessing my thoughts or plans. When one of us is tired, the other can pick up the slack. Some weeks I get to actually sit in worship on a Sunday morning and listen to good preaching, and some weeks Geoff gets to sit and listen. We are, each of us, blessed on those weeks. I am so very thankful that we are in this together.

The following passage from Ecclesiastes is under the heading “The value of a friend,” in the New Revised Standard Version of the Bible. Often it is read at weddings, but in this instance I mean nothing romantic or sexual by it. It is simply true that in ministry, as in most other areas of life, it is better when you don’t have to go it alone.

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up the other; but woe to one who is alone and falls and does not have another to help. Again, if two lie together, they keep warm; but how can one keep warm alone? And though one might prevail against another, two will withstand one. A threefold cord is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 NRSV

Stronger

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Last night I had the opportunity to do something I haven’t done in many years: I played Capture the Flag (look it up, it’s a simple game). This involved a lot of running and chasing and running. And despite my hope of getting in “jail” and therefore having a time out, I guess I was a little too good at the game, because it wasn’t until about the last quarter that I actually got that break.

Today, my whole body aches. My abs, my thighs, my right heel pad, my hip flexers…I’m pretty sure the shoulders are due to a class at the gym, but they ache, too.

I’ve toyed with the idea of taking up running, but I’ve never actually done it. And based on the results of last night I am not sure I ever will.

But I will say this for myself – despite all the aches and pains today, I was able to walk for 90min with my dog and do a Combat cardio class at the gym this evening. This is a sign of progress for me. I used to think I any little hurt or discomfort as a reason not to get any exercise. The pain/discomfort I am feeling today is the kind that means you’ve worked hard, but not the kind that means you need to stop because you are doing damage to yourself. It could have been an excuse not to work hard today. I am glad that I didn’t allow it to be that. I am growing and learning in this fitness journey.

You know, I am learning a similar lesson in terms of the community of faith where I serve. Occasionally – and probably without intent – people say or do things that are hurtful to me. And it could be an excuse to pull back from that individual or from the community as a whole. Certainly, that is what I would have done in my first couple of years of ministry. But the longer I serve in this capacity, the more able I am to take a long hard look at those injuries and decide whether they are just ‘growing pains’ or something more serious that needs some attention in order to heal. More often than not, they are growing pains – things that will teach and help develop my ministry skills, but anything that should be used as an excuse.

I love knowing that God is working on me, God is making me stronger…both in body and in spirit.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1:2-4 NIV

For Boston…

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Yesterday was the Boston Marathon. And someone decided it would be a good idea to set off some bombs near the finish line. People bled, people were seriously wounded and people died.

It’s all that the media is talking about, and on social media there is post after post. Some are angry that someone decided to do something so senselessly hurtful. Some are frustrated that the media becomes so focused on the tragedy – repeating the same facts over and over, perhaps giving too much attention to the perpetrators of the attack. Some just want to express sorrow that we live in a world in which things like this happen. And some vow to never allow incidents like this to dull or defeat the human spirit.

I have to admit, those are my favorite posts. Whether it’s the quote from Mr. Rogers about how his Mom taught him to always look for the helpers in these situations; or the comment that if someone was trying to defeat the human spirit with these attacks, perhaps marathon runners were not the right targets; or the endless posts declaring the prayers being said for the city and its inhabitants – I like this line of thinking. I like the reaction to terrible things that says “I will not let the terrible thing be the end of the story, I will find something good to focus on, even in the midst of this tragedy.”

I think Jesus would have liked that line of thinking too. I am praying for the individuals affected by this tragedy. I am praying for the families who have lost someone they love. I am praying for the city, that it might heal and endure. But most of all, I am praying for humanity. That we can learn to find a better way. That we will live to see a day when stories like this only exist in history books. That we would not allow this to turn our hearts to anger or cruelty, but that we would learn to love each other more, and to sow kindness and reap its rewards.

I am praying.

 I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.

Philippians 3:12-14 MSG