This is something I am meditating on tonite. I am not sure that I can articulate my thoughts on it yet…so I will leave it mostly without comment and just say this: I believe this is true, but that doesn’t mean I always understand HOW it is true.
Still, I pray that I can be at peace in the midst of trying circumstances by practicing the presence of Christ. I pray that for you, too!
I have been staring at a blank screen for at least half an hour now, trying to figure out what to blog about. Several ideas have occurred to me and been discarded. It has also occurred to me to simply declare tonight a second Sabbath (why? Because I can!) and not blog at all. But I have found myself dissatisfied with that idea as well.
Tonight I am having what I call a hollow day. My energy is low, I cannot seem to get to the point of feeling full when it comes to food (I have eaten 8 extra points on the day, which for me is quite extraordinary, and if I weren’t on WW, I would be in the kitchen right now snarfing more food). My brain feels similarly hollow. No matter how I try to come up with a good idea for a blog, I don’t seem to have the brain power to make it happen. Or when I do come up with an idea, I don’t seem to have the power to flesh it out.
Some days are just like this. Some days it is a tough struggle to control my eating. Other days it comes fairly naturally. Some days it is really difficult to write a blog entry. Other days the entry seems almost to write itself.
That’s the way it is with the presence of God, too. Some days it is just like he is walking beside me whispering to me all day long. Other days I feel as though he is absent, as though I am left to my own devices. In my sermon today, I talked about the letters Mother Theresa wrote which were published after her death and which spoke quite clearly about her sometimes agonizing struggle with faith.
I am somehow comforted to know that such an influential woman of faith knew what t was to have hollow days when it came to her spirit. And I am inspired that she did not give up the work she did in Christ’s name and that she did not leave the church. Sometimes the bravest thing a person can do is to simply keep on, when they are not feeling it.
Hollow days happen. But God is constant and constantly with us. Just as I know there will be days this week – maybe as soon as tomorrow – in which the struggle with food and with writing will go easier, so I know the same is true of my relationship with God. So now I will put this hollow day to rest with a prayer for an easier time of it tomorrow.
In all my health-improvements over the past year, one thing I’ve really struggled with is drinking enough water. I don’t know why that has been so tough on me, but I just don’t do it. I just don’t drink enough water.
I have known that throughout this year, but it took me until last week to decide to do something about it. I looked it up and discovered that I should be drinking about 2 litres (67oz for my American friends) per day. For the past week I have been filling my 1L water bottle twice a day and doing everything I could to make sure that I emptied it both times. All that is in it is water with a few drops of lime juice for flavor.
So far, I’m doing pretty well. I haven’t noticed any huge change in how I am feeling, but I have read articles that say that drinking the proper amount of water will help with weight loss, so I am hoping this will help me get through the last 20 pounds or so that I have to lose.
In the Bible, water can be a blessing or a curse. It is in the river that Jesus is baptized an the Holy Spirit descends upon him like a dove (blessing). It is through 40 days of downpours that the earth is destroyed in Noah’s day (curse). In Elijah’s life there was a time where God let him to a place where there was a clear brook and the ravens of the air brought him food (blessing) but then, when God was ready to move him on the brook ran dry (curse??). For the Jewish slaves the waters of the Red Sea parted (blessing) and then the closed again, bearing the Egyptians away (a blessing for the Jews, but a curse for the Egyptians).
I think water, like most things, is neutral – not inherently good or bad, but capable of being either given the right circumstances and reactions. I am glad that I have change my poor relationship with drinking water into a good one. And I hope it will be a blessing!
I started a new workout routine last week. It’s called the Deck of Cards WOD (workout of the day). You can read more about it in this blog entry. I did this workout 3 times last week and 4 times this week.
When I do this workout, it isn’t pretty. I get red in the face. I sweat. I often make sounds that have my puppy looking at me with concern. It’s a tough workout. It is based on the crossfit theory which basically goes “hard exercise works.” Crossfit blends together cardio and strength training. The work out changes daily because our bodies adapt pretty quickly to any new exercise and the benefit of that exercise is reduced. So in crossfit, you are always doing different combinations of moves.
This week I have done (for example), 4 variations on sit ups (regular, v sit ups, twist sit ups and hand-to-foot ball passes), squat thrusts, air squats, lunges, jumping jacks, skipping, mountain climbers, 2 variations on push ups (ball push ups and regular push ups) and chair dips.
It is true, I am bragging right now. I am bragging because 6 months ago I am sure I could not have done what I am able to do now. I am bragging because I know once I’ve shared part of my fitness routine with with others, I am less likely to wimp out on it. I am bragging because I have a goal and I WILL reach that goal. I am bragging because just maybe someone will read this, think “I should try that” and find themselves living a healthier life. I am bragging because hard exercise works. I am bragging because it feels good to be muscling up.
My body is stronger today than it was yesterday. It will be stronger tomorrow. It is not easy to build up muscle, but it is good.
And that makes me think of faith. I had a conversation with a congregant recently in which we were joking about all the things we don’t want to pray for. For example – we said: don’t pray for patience, because God doesn’t just flick his fingers and make you patient. God puts you in situations where you have the chance to work on your patience muscle. And it is hard work.
But it is also good work. And if you have the guts to pray for patience or humility or self-control or any of the things that you can imagine might lead you into some days of hard work to build up that muscle, I promise you two things: first, God will be with you in any situation you face. And second, you will find your life transforming into something beautiful and everlasting.
We did a little more on discipleship tonite at our Wednesday night study. What struck me as we discussed what it means to be a disciple – one who learns how to live from Jesus – was that it’s really about wanting. It’s not about doing the right things and checking them off your list. It’s about WANTING to do the right things because you know it brings joy to your Father in Heaven. But also because as you do those things, you learn that they are wise ways to live (Jesus, after all, knew what he was talking about!).
One member of our group talked about the daily paper delivery at her house. The paper guy just drops the paper at the end of their long driveway and so this lady has to walk out in the cold/wet/rain/whatever in the morning to get her paper. But recently she’s been finding the paper right beside the door. The thing is, this only happens on mornings when her son has to take the bus. So she figured out that he had begun doing this little chore to help her out. And she was deeply touched by his thoughtfulness. Not because it was some huge problem for her to get the paper on her own, but because his decision (on his own, totally unprompted) speaks to the love he has for her as his mom.
THAT is what God wants of us. Not some laundry list of “I’m a good Christian if I do these 18 things,” but a heart that longs to please him. A heart that loves him deeply and is moved to show that love through a million little actions. A heart that loves God the way that Jesus did – to the point where he was willing to lay down his life to accomplish God’s goals.
So, apparently, when you lose 62.8 pounds (my current loss total), you begin to experience temperature in a whole new way. It makes sense – fat acts as an insulator and once you remove the insulator, that which once was hot can now become quite cold.
All winter I have been freezing. My friends have made fun of me as I sat in their house, wearing 3 layers of clothing (one of which was my winter jacket). This winter has been an unseasonably warm one. It has also been strangely light on snow. I have hated every frigid second of it.
So I simply must take a moment to reflect on the miracle that has been our weather this week. It has been whatever the Spring equivalent of Indian Summer is. Warm. Sunny. Gorgeous.
Since Friday I have been wearing summer shoes and leaving my jacket behind when I head out for a walk. I had to go and buy some summer clothes (thank you, Value Village), because I have nothing in my wardrobe that is for summer. The last time it was summer I was 30 pounds heavier, after all.
I know this weather cannot last straight through to November (oh, how I wish). I know that this could be more than a freak event and could actually point to the damage we are doing to our environment. I know for some people, this is the exact opposite of what they enjoy or what they need to make a living.
But for this week, for this girl, it has been an absolute blessing – a gift. Unexpected, un-looked-for and absolutely undeniable.
Sometimes it just feels like God does this: drops a gift in your lap. You hadn’t even thought of how to ask for it yet, and here it is. Because that is what a loving Father does. He stands waiting and watching and when we are still a long way off he runs to embrace us.
That generous kind of love is what draws me back to my faith whenever I wander. That kind of unexpected gift confirms the goodness of God to me again and again. This is why I give my life to serving God: not for what I can get from Him, but because I cannot imagine my life without Him.
I have been thinking about Jesus’ parable of the mustard seed recently. Here’s what Jesus said:
“The Kingdom of Heaven is like a mustard seed planted in a field.
It is the smallest of all seeds, but it becomes the largest of garden plants;
it grows into a tree, and birds come and make nests in its branches.”
Matthew 13:31-32 NLT
The Kingdom of Heaven – the place where Jesus reigns, the place where we find ourselves in relationship with him – starts small. It starts humble. The smallest of all seeds. But it grows. It grows into great things which have an impact on the world around them. The tree big enough for birds to find shelter in its branches.
I walk every day along a path with some of the greatest trees. They are huge. And as I was walking the other day I was stopped dead in my tracks by the thought that there was a time that these trees were nothing more than a tiny seed falling into good soil.
This tree, in particular, is right at the beginning of my walking route. It is a beautiful tree, and there is no arguing that it is a majestic specimen. But even this was once only a tiny seed. It took good conditions, and a whole lot of time. And now the birds can find shelter in its branches.
I think we sometimes find ourselves frustrated with time it takes for the growth to happen. I think sometimes we miss the mustard seed all together – not noticing that it has been planted, not sensing the growth process as it begins beneath the surface.
I think I have been in that kind of season recently. But tonight I have hope. Tonight, I think I have begun to glimpse the first hints of green shoots poking through the dark soil.
If you could spare a prayer for me, for the community of faith where I serve as Associate Minister, for the future of the Kingdom and for humble beginnings that grow into great trees, I would appreciate it.
I have posted my recipe for Spicy Black Bean Soup recently, and I mentioned in that post that I wanted to make the switch to dried beans rather than canned. Today I made my first batch of no-soak beans in the slow cooker.
I picked over the beans, put them in the slow cooker, added 3/4 of a box of no-fat, low sodium beef broth. I added about 4 cups of water. Then I added a bunch of cumin (I didn’t measure, just sprinkled a fair amount over the top of the liquid), some dried red chipotle pepper, and a couple of tbsps of diced garlic. I turned the slow cooker on high. The beans were done after about 5hrs, though I let them cook for a couple more, to really seal in the flavors. I added a few more cups of water after the first 3hrs of cooking (the liquid level was low when I checked on them).
The beans came out great! They are flavorful and I can really sense the difference in texture as compared with the canned variety. Best of all, I know they are not loaded with unnecessary sodium.
Tomorrow I will make black bean soup and black bean dip out of the beans I made today.
Here is the recipe for the black bean dip, which is great with fresh veggies, crackers or as a topper on salad. this is based on a Weight Watchers recipe, and is about 1 PointPlus per 1/4 cup of dip.
Ingredients
2 cups black beans
1 cup fresh chopped Cilantro (or 1/3 cup of cilantro paste)
3/4 cup Salsa
1 tsp cumin
Instructions
Combine all ingredients in blender or food processor and process until smooth.
Things I have loved about today:
-getting a new hair cut
-visiting a friend I haven’t seen for a while (had lunch and played word games)
-great warm weather
-wore a skirt and no socks (yay!!! I love leaving behind sock weather!)
-visiting with friends I see regularly
-going for walks with both friends that I visited
-being able to leave Koski on her own for a bit (crated) without the cone of shame
-having BBQ for dinner
-all the kind things that friends on FB have said about my hair
-watching movies with friends
-got two pairs of crapris at Value Village….one pair is from the Gap and it still shocks me that a size 12 fits me now – even a Gap size 12!!
Definitely a great day!
Right now I am curled up in bed without any blankets on because it is so warm and Springish out. I am about to read a bit and then go to sleep. I almost didn’t blog tonite because I was tired and just not feeling up to it. But as I lay here, it kind of hit me that I had something I wanted to write. Something I wanted to remember.
And that is this feeling of peace that I have right now.
Koski is back in her crate for the first night in a week (Seriously, as much as I love my puppy, I don’t get how people let their animals sleep in bed with them. Koski got to sleep in my bed for about a week because it was less disturbance to my sleep than having her tremble and pant in her crate all night while wearing the cone of shame. We are SO done with that now. No more paws digging into my back in the middle of the night, or waking up because she’s having some wicked dream that causes her to twitch and growl or waking up drenched in sweat because she’s a freakin’ blast furnace of a dog! Ok. Enough of that rant.)
Today is finished and tomorrow is on the horizon. But between the two is this time for rest. I don’t always feel at peace when I lie down to sleep, and I guess that is why I want to remember this.
Sometimes the day has been filled with too many cares which I find hard to let go of. Sometimes tomorrow’s problems loom larger than its promise. Sometimes I just worry bout too many things. But not tonite. Tonite my heart is quiet and I am thankful for it.
When the apostle Paul wrote to the church in Philipi, he wished them the peace of God which transcends all understanding. I wish the same to you, and to myself.
Rebekah's World 