faith journey

Back to it!

After the better part of a week without strenuous exercise due to a cold, some nasty stomach pains, and a general exhaustion, I’m so pleased to say that today I am back to it!

I got out for 90min (about 7.5km) of walking with the puppy today, and then did a tough WOD (Workout of the Day) with the Deck of Cards App on my iPhone. My four moves (assigned to each suit of a deck of cards) were: Kettle Bell Goblet Squats, Kettle Bell Reverse Lunges, Leg Raises and Push Ups. I also managed to do two Jokers: one was 15 burpees (pretty sure my form sucked, but by the time I got to this card I was pretty fatigued, so I’m not complaining) and the other was 20 plank climbers (starting out in plank position on elbow and then straightening each arm before returning to elbows). It was a brutal workout, but it felt great.

I have this bad habit sometimes – I tell myself things that aren’t true. I don’t mean that I lie to myself, necessarily… Let me explain. Take the past few days and my lack of exercise, as an example. I told myself I was too tired, it would be too hard, I wouldn’t get through it and one day off wouldn’t make any difference. Now in some ways there was truth in those things…I have been very tired this week, it would be hard (though, I believe, not TOO hard) to do a workout when tired/run down, one day doesn’t make a huge difference in the long run.

At the same time I think I used these things as an excuse to not do something that is good for me. I wonder if we do that when it comes to faith. Do I use the busy-ness of a day as an excuse not to pray or to read my Bible? Do I say to myself I am too tired for this at the end of a day, and go to sleep without involving God in my day? Do I tell myself that one day off is no big deal, and then realize that it has been many days since I spent time with my Heavenly Father?

Sadly – even in the life of a ‘professional’ Christian (i.e. pastor/minister/clergy) like me – the answer to these questions is “yes, sometimes.” And yet I know that if I take the time it will be time well spent. If I just get off my butt and do it, (whether ‘it’ is a workout or spending time with God) I will be thankful I did. I will find life easier to take and have a strength that surprises me.

I guess I just want to say tonight: if you are in one of those excuse-finding periods of your life right now, take a moment. Talk to God. Tell Him what is going on with you. Pull out your Bible and read some of the words of Jesus or a favorite Psalm. Pull out your iPod and listen to a worship song and actually PRAY the words to God as you listen/sing along. Just do it. You will be glad you did.

(Oh, and if you’re in an excuse-finding time right now when it comes to exercise. Get off your butt! Do it! You will be glad you did!)

 

 

The road is long…

Sometimes, life is weary-ing. My tough week began with a fender-bender on Thursday night, and has continued with some serious health concerns for a family member and some difficult issues at the church.

I am tired and suffering from a head-cold. It’s not the worst cold I’ve had in recent memory, and I’m quite sure it will be gone fairly quickly, but it’s one more brick added to a heavy load.

The lyrics of one of my favourite Neil Diamond songs is going through my head tonite:

The road is long, with many a-winding turn,
That leads to who knows where, who knows when
But I’m strong, strong enough to carry him
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother
So on we go
(Neil Diamond, “He Ain’t Heavy”)

I was thinking about faith and fitness. Due to busy-ness and then illness, I haven’t worked out for the last 3 days. No walking, no WOD, no nothin’. This makes me antsy. I feel nervous. I somehow still have a fear that all of the weight that I’ve lost in the past year is going to suddenly reappear on my body just because I haven’t gone for a walk or done some situps for a few days. It’s irrational, but it’s what I fear. I think that I fear that because I am so aware that fitness is a never-ending-road. This isn’t a project that ends when I hit my goal weight. It isn’t something that has a finish line at all (or at least, the finish line is death, which I hope is so far off as to be almost unworthy of time spent thinking about it). So every new day, every new week, is a new challenge. To do the work that my body requires to reach and maintain physical fitness.

The same thing is true about my faith. I don’t have a list of the tenets of Jesus or the the commandments, or anything else that I am checking off daily, hoping to reach the finish line. Instead, each moment, each situation, each conversation is a new challenge, a new opportunity to try to live like Jesus would.

For some, this might be discouraging. You might think “I’m never really going to GET there, so why try?” You might think you’re not strong enough to continue to travel this long road with it’s winding turns. But I see it in a more positive way. I am always going to have another chance to try, another workout to do, or another opportunity to show Christ’s love. This is a gift, this is a beautiful thing. And the strength I have doesn’t come from me, but from Jesus. I have an endless, boundless store of His strength to rely upon as I face the next leg of the journey.

It is true that sometimes it is wearying, but I think that only means it’s time to take rest, and then get up and face a new day with new challenges and opportunities.

A Saturday night party…

For some, it would seem exceedingly strange that my church had a party tonite. It is Easter Saturday. The long dark, hopeless day that the disciples spent in hiding after Jesus’ crucifixion. Before the Resurrection, before the story began to make sense. For many it may be a time to spend in quiet contemplation.

And I can understand how that might be deeply meaningful for some. In the past few years, my Easter Saturdays have often been spent quietly. Thinking about what I will say on Sunday morning, how to share the good news in a way that is fresh and new. But I have to admit, it was kind of a beautiful thing to gather at the table with friends to smile and laugh and tease. To tell stories and eat good food together.

Because Jesus Christ is risen. And even though the official celebration comes tomorrow, the fact is that this is true every day. There will never be another Saturday like the ones the disciples spent, that first Easter. There will never be another day when we have to wonder whether Jesus was just a man…whether it was all in vain, all his preaching and miracles and talk of the Kingdom.

He is alive. He is alive. He is ALIVE!!

And in my books, that is reason for a party every day of the week.

It all begins tomorrow…

Tomorrow we begin the run up to Easter. This year, we at St. A’s are starting with a Christian Seder. It is a new venture for us and my prayer is that it will shake us out of our routine an move us towards seeing new insights and significance in the way the Passover and Communion echo each other. The way that the Old Testament and the New Testament work together. The way that the Old Covenant dovetails into the New Covenant in Christ.

In many ways the next few days will be packed full of activities and theological significance. I have already been touched at the way that God has provided some beautiful preludes to my celebration of Holy Week. In Rosemary’s Bible Study we watched a part of the film 12 Ordinary Men which was the basis for my post that evening. Tonite, in our Wednesday night program, we discussed the significance of the Resurrection. And while I hesitate to write about that before Holy Week has truly begun, I was touched by the sharing that my group did.

God is often like a composer…He knows just when to draw in this instrument or that instrument to highlight a certain theme or to underscore a certain harmony. And I guess tonite I just want to say a quiet thank you for the way he has done that in my life already this week.

Deep breath….

It is Holy Week. For my minister friends and I this is our second-most-busy time of the year. Christmas being the first. The funny thing is that tonite I had nothing on. Not a single meeting or practice or anything to be done for the church. I am spending tonite taking a deep breath, because the rest of the week there won’t be time to breathe.

That is the way church goes – it’s kind of feast or famine. You’re either insanely busy, or things are kind of quiet and easy. At a big church like the one where I serve, it tends to be more insanely busy than quiet most of the time.

This week we will: have our regular Wednesday night (community dinner, and classes), have a Christian Seder on Thursday night (followed by choir practice, of course), have a Good Friday service (I am very much looking forward to it!) and then have 2 services on Easter Sunday morning (one of which I am preaching). Also, on the Saturday night (not without some controversy) we will have our Mystery Dinner wrap-up party.

In all of this, Jesus will be present (yes, I believe he will be there even at the Mystery Dinner party). And my deep hope is that all who gather will notice him and draw near to him. That in the services, the songs we sing, the prayers we pray and the meals we share, we will find Jesus. We will be touched again by his life and death and resurrection.

It will be a full week. And a good one, I expect. But I am blessed to begin this week by a quietly contemplative evening at home.

 

 

Warm…

So, apparently, when you lose 62.8 pounds (my current loss total), you begin to experience temperature in a whole new way. It makes sense – fat acts as an insulator and once you remove the insulator, that which once was hot can now become quite cold.

All winter I have been freezing. My friends have made fun of me as I sat in their house, wearing 3 layers of clothing (one of which was my winter jacket). This winter has been an unseasonably warm one. It has also been strangely light on snow. I have hated every frigid second of it.

So I simply must take a moment to reflect on the miracle that has been our weather this week. It has been whatever the Spring equivalent of Indian Summer is. Warm. Sunny. Gorgeous.

Since Friday I have been wearing summer shoes and leaving my jacket behind when I head out for a walk. I had to go and buy some summer clothes (thank you, Value Village), because I have nothing in my wardrobe that is for summer. The last time it was summer I was 30 pounds heavier, after all.

I know this weather cannot last straight through to November (oh, how I wish). I know that this could be more than a freak event and could actually point to the damage we are doing to our environment. I know for some people, this is the exact opposite of what they enjoy or what they need to make a living.

But for this week, for this girl, it has been an absolute blessing – a gift. Unexpected, un-looked-for and absolutely undeniable.

Sometimes it just feels like God does this: drops a gift in your lap. You hadn’t even thought of how to ask for it yet, and here it is. Because that is what a loving Father does. He stands waiting and watching and when we are still a long way off he runs to embrace us.

That generous kind of love is what draws me back to my faith whenever I wander. That kind of unexpected gift confirms the goodness of God to me again and again. This is why I give my life to serving God: not for what I can get from Him, but because I cannot imagine my life without Him.

From humble beginnings…

I have been thinking about Jesus’ parable of the mustard seed recently. Here’s what Jesus said:

“The Kingdom of Heaven is like a mustard seed planted in a field.
It is the smallest of all seeds, but it becomes the largest of garden plants;
it grows into a tree, and birds come and make nests in its branches.”
Matthew 13:31-32 NLT

The Kingdom of Heaven – the place where Jesus reigns, the place where we find ourselves in relationship with him – starts small. It starts humble. The smallest of all seeds. But it grows. It grows into great things which have an impact on the world around them. The tree big enough for birds to find shelter in its branches.

I walk every day along a path with some of the greatest trees. They are huge. And as I was walking the other day I was stopped dead in my tracks by the thought that there was a time that these trees were nothing more than a tiny seed falling into good soil.

This tree, in particular, is right at the beginning of my walking route. It is a beautiful tree, and there is no arguing that it is a majestic specimen. But even this was once only a tiny seed. It took good conditions, and a whole lot of time. And now the birds can find shelter in its branches.

I think we sometimes find ourselves frustrated with time it takes for the growth to happen. I think sometimes we miss the mustard seed all together – not noticing that it has been planted, not sensing the growth process as it begins beneath the surface.

I think I have been in that kind of season recently. But tonight I have hope. Tonight, I think I have begun to glimpse the first hints of green shoots poking through the dark soil.

If you could spare a prayer for me, for the community of faith where I serve as Associate Minister, for the future of the Kingdom and for humble beginnings that grow into great trees, I would appreciate it.

Discipleship…

Tonite at our Wednesday night group, we discussed what it means to be a disciple of Jesus. For someone like me who has always been in church, it’s sometimes hard to define that word. A disciples is a disciple….?

So it was good that we were supposed to come up with a list finishing this sentence:

A disciple of Jesus…

We came up with:

A disciple of Jesus…
-displays the fruits of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, kindness, self-control, faithfulness, goodness)
-is in communication with Jesus (ie, prays!)
-reads AND APPLIES the Bible
-keeps the two great commandments: love God and love others

All of which are great things for a disciple to do. But then we talked about the fact that a disciple is also more than these things. Because a disciple is in relationship with Jesus. And the relationship thing is kind of ethereal. I can tell you about the things I do with my friend, for example, but our friendship is more than the things we do together. It’s the same with Jesus. It is about believing and doing, but it’s also about more than that.

Maybe the ‘more than that’ is what we mean when we talk about faith.

Write something brilliant here…

This happens every once in a while. I sit down to write a blog, and find myself staring at the blank screen waiting for inspiration to come. And waiting. And waiting. And waiting…..

Then I find myself figuring out if I’ve had a night off yet this week. Then I realize I HAVE had a night off. So I have to write something…there must be SOMETHING I have to say, right?

Only, nothing comes.

Most days I find myself looking for an idea for a blog post during the day. I keep my eyes open, I stop as I go through the day and review what has happened and what I might want to write about.

So when it comes to a night when I am blocked, it kind of sucks.

But here is what I have learned: this too, shall pass. Tomorrow (or the next day or whenever), I will write easily and be shocked that I ever had trouble coming up with a subject. So one nights like this, the best thing to do is to write anyway. Maybe I don’t find it easy, but I do find it good. Sometimes it is work to write, and there is blessing in the simple fact of doing the work.

I think our faith journey is like that, too. Sometimes it flows easily and without effort. Other times, it is a bit of a battle and yet there is blessing in battling on through.

That’s all that I have to say tonight, my friends. If you are in an easy-flow stage of your faith journey, enjoy the blessing. If you are battling on through, I hope you can see the blessing in that too.